


Daddy Issues

by MyCatSaysNo



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Crack, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin, Tony is a little shit, Top Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 02:43:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13649775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyCatSaysNo/pseuds/MyCatSaysNo
Summary: Tony won't stop joking that Steve is an innocent angel that's never had sex beforeSteve tells him his experiences to shut him upBucky's never been so proud





	Daddy Issues

**Author's Note:**

> this is purely crack, written all at once. Is it good? Shit not, is it funny? maybe? idk man

Sipping his Starbucks tony kept wiggling his eyebrows at Steve, "there's no shame in it cap, I know back in your day sex was never even invented," Tony assured, giving a pouty look, "maybe when you wrap your head around premarital fun I'll give you a kamasutra," he grinned.

 

Steve rolled his eyes, "Tony, I'm not a virgin. And I know what a kamasutra is," rolling his eyes he looked over at Bucky who was avoiding eye contact to hide his smile.

 

Tony let out a fake gasp, "what has the future don't to you? His poor innocence, how will the American people react?" falling to his knees, peering up at Steve, "who is worthy of handling a super serum dick?" He yelled out into the air.

 

Sam snickered, patting Steve's shoulders, "man, I don't know how you put up with this," he pointed accusingly at Stark, "see, he knows what kamasutra is now because of you," He smiled at Steve, taking a sip from his own Starbucks.

 

Steve glanced at Bucky, then smirked at Tony, "yea know what? This looks familiar... I can't quite put my finger on it-- old age, you know-- oh yea! This is how your dad looked, hair was messier and his face was red but the res-"

 

"Hold up- wait wait, the hell you say capcicle?" Tony questioned, getting off his knees to look Steve in the eyes. Sam's eyes widen as he pulled his phone out and started to film. Bucky started cackling and decided to make eye contact with Stark, who looked like someone told him some shocking new- oh wait.

 

Steve stood proudly, looking Tony dead in the eye, "I had sex with your dad," Tony stuttered, trying to respond to what Steve just threw at him.

 

"You didn't! y-you, he wa-"

 

Steve waved a calming hand giving a sympathetic look, "you're right, you're right, I'm sorry," Tony gave a relieved sigh, running a hand through his hair, "I fucked your dad," Tony has a strangled cough, his eyes widen in horror.

 

Sam's jaw hung open, then a proud grin spread across his face, "oh shit- fuck him Steve. Lay that shit on him, spit some damn facts out!" He yelled, shaking his camera and putting it in Tony's face.

 

Bucky was nodding in the corner like an excited child, "he did, I was there," he laughed, winking at Stark, who may need a new heart by now.

 

"And your mom," steve added. "You son of a bitch," he choked, "you stop right there, one thing is to tell me you had some super soldier threesome with my dad, but my mom is an off limits area- don't you dare-"

 

Tony abrutly stopped talking as Steve slowly stepped towards him, leaning to his ear, "foresome. Bucky was still there."

 

"Who knew your dad could take two dicks, Tony?" Bucky asked, giving Sam's phone an obscene look.

 

"I'm done, bye, I don't need this- I know you two are lying! Bye, nice prank," Tony yelled behind him, getting into an elevator.

 

Sam shook his head in disbelief, putting his phone away, "you two are messed up. I think you ruined him, what even made you think of that? You fucking planned that shit," Sam prodded, smiling widly at the soldiers.

 

"I mean, we planned the orgy ahead of time, before and but I don't think I planned on telling Tony-" Steve explained, watching sam's smile slowly fade, his eyes dartinf between him and Bucky, "Is something wrong sam?" he asked innocently.

 

"Y'all stay the hell away from my mama," he yelled as he backed away towards the elavator.

 

Bucky laughed, "your mom's old, we may be 100 but we have standards," Sam pointed a fingure at him in warning, mouthing ‘don’t’ before also boarding the elavator.

 

Steve bumped his shoulder into Bucky's, "you know, I still have the drawing. Fund them in S.H.E.I.L.D holding and snatched before anyone could look though it," Steve grinned, finally taking a swing of his own baverage.

**Author's Note:**

> Shit I didn’t expect people to actually read this, now I gotta clean it up and make it legible


End file.
